Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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