we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
