I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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