I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
