for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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