help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
