So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
