i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
