My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
