i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
