you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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