it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
