Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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