a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
