The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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