i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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