glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im drinking this country out of the recession.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
