I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
