May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
