suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
