We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
