Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
