He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
