there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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