you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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