I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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