you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
