i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
