I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
