Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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