who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
