I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
