Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
