ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there's paper in my vomit.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
