One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
