ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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