You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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