I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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