Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
