I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
