bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
