You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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