Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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