When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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