Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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