It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Even my vagina gasped.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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