plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
