Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
