guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
