Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
