3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
